


A Smattering of Yenton

by LauramourFromOz



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-07 08:16:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11054979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauramourFromOz/pseuds/LauramourFromOz
Summary: So, in my quest for more Yenton in the world (and to get back into my writing habit because I’ve been lax this year) I present a lose connection of Yenton Oneshots.





	1. Bodyswap

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is vaguely crackish. I blame lack of sleep. But I also happen to think Mike would be deliriously happy to suddenly find himself in Johns body, as someone who is not totally comfortable in his own skin I think he would actually relish being in a body (John’s) that he loves everything about.
> 
> I use Richard a lot. He has a fair bit of backstory in It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas. And Yes The Brig does know about the boys before this happens (as do Richard and The Doc).
> 
> I might actually explain what happened later in the month.

It was a surreal experience waking up with yourself in your arms. Of course they weren’t Mike’s arms, not really. Logically Mike knew the arms he was in were Benton’s but they felt like Mikes arms. They had pins and needles where Mike had been sleeping on them all night. Where Mike was still sleeping on them. Did he really look like that? Mike wasn’t sure he was awake. The man in his arms was certainly asleep. Was this a dream? Mike lifted the arm he wasn’t on top of and inspected it. The hand was less delicate than his own, more robust. Very familiar. As familiar as his own, but not his own. It was John’s hand. He was in John’s body. Well, that explained why his own body was in his arms. Frankly with everything that happened at UNIT Mike was surprised this hadn’t happened sooner. Mike only hoped that it was John in his body. Mike wasn’t sure he wanted anyone else walking around in his body. John was different.

“Benton?” Mikes body said. Was that really what he sounded like?

“No it’s Mike. We seemed to have swapped bodies somehow. Who’s that?”

“What do you mean who’s that? And why are you in my bed in Benton’s body?”

“Actually. This is my bed and that’s my body.”

“What!”

“I, Mike Yates am in Benton’s body. You, Brigadier I’m assuming, are in my body.”

“Then who exactly is in my body?”

“I have exactly the same amount of information on that as you do Brigadier.”

The Brigadier, in Mike’s body, flung the covers off and moved to get up for a shower.

“Mike… Why am I naked?”

“Brig, do you really want to know?”

“I suppose not. Bathroom?”

“End of the hall. Both towels are clean, we swapped them out last night.”

“Thank you Mike.”

Mike watched as his body left the room without him. He contemplated his strange predicament for a moment.

The phone rang and Mike answered it.

“Hello?”

“Rich, is that you?”

“No, it’s Mike. Is that you John?”

“Yes. I woke up in bed with Richard’s wife.”

“I woke up with The Brig, in my body.”

“So you’re in mine?”

“Not an entirely new thing John.”

“Mike be serious.”

“I don’t think serious is called for. I’m the most beautiful man in the world, my body is showering with The Brigadier in it and you have an Australian accent. I’m fairly sure this is the opposite of serious.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself Mike because I woke up with a wife and four kids.”

“You aren’t seriously telling me you can’t see the irony here?”

“Yes, obviously I can. I just don’t particularly want to be around when they all get up.”

“So, leave a note saying you have to go in early.”

“Brilliant. Thanks Mike. I’ll see you soon. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“And Mike, you’re always the most beautiful man in the world to me.”

John in Richard’s body hung up. Mike had a sudden realisation.

Brigadier?” Mike called, smiling with John’s face, “Were you alone when you went to bed?”

“A bit forward Mike”

“Considering our current situation, I think we’re past forward don’t you?”

“Fair point. Yes I was alone.”

“Good, because I’m fairly sure Richard’s in your body and there’s a complication I hadn’t thought of.”

“Oh?”

“John woke up in Richard’s body, with Kate. Richards Kate, not your Kate, obviously.”

“Oh.”

“Yes oh.”

Mike returned to his musing. He was feeling rather good. The Brig came back in with a towel around his waist and opened the wardrobe. He paused.

“My shirts are in the second draw and my uniform is on the right. Insignia are on the dresser next to my cap.”

Mike got up to shower John’s body before putting on John’s uniform. For once it actually fit.

Richard’s knuckles knocked on the door. Mike’s body opened it.

“Benton?”

“Yes. Brigadier?”

“Yes. I assume we haven’t heard from my body yet?”

“I haven’t.”

As if on que the phone rang.  John answered it.

“Hello?”

“Blimey, is that what I sound like?”

“Rich?”

“Yes. Is that you Brigadier? What happened?”

“No, it’s John. The Brigadier’s in Mike’s body and Mike’s in mine.”

“Just the four of us then?”

“It would seem so.”

“The Doctor will know what to do. We should go into HQ.”

“We’ll meet you there.”

***

An hour later the four of them met The Doctor in his laboratory. The only one who didn’t feel thoroughly out of place was John. In Richard’s body and Australian Army uniform, he perhaps felt a little peculiar but he had his beloved stripes and Mike was happy and thus all was right with the world. Mike was still in a particularly good mood even if he had taken a few steps down in rank. Richard felt a little out of sorts in The Brigadier’s body. He had stolen his hat back off of Benton as soon as he’d seen him witch had restored him some of his equilibrium. The Brigadier was not best impressed by this. There was no harm in it really, he supposed but it did technically count as a uniform violation against him.

“RHIP Brigadier.” Mike had said to him cheerfully when he’d mentioned it.

The Doctor looked them all up and down. His first clue that something was amiss was when he noticed (and could hardly fail to) The Brigadier apparently wearing Richard’s brown slouch hat. He guessed the situation before any of them had said anything. He confirmed his suspicions by locating identical raised marks just above each of their hairlines.

“Would you like the good news or the bad news?”

The Brigadier raised one of Mike’s eyebrows at the Doctor.

“Good news: The whole situation is totally harmless. Bad news: You’re all stuck like this for seventy two hours, there’s nothing I can do.”

“Care to explain yourself Doctor?” The Brigadier said with Mike’s voice.

“My dear Brigadier, trust me when I say you don’t want me to.”

Mikes face looked exasperated.

“Might I suggest you all switch places for the duration. A change is as good as a holiday. I should know.”

And so it was decided.

***

Half an hour later saw Mike and John out on patrol together.

“You really do look deliriously happy Mike.” John said in Richard’s Australian accent.

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re wearing my face Mike, I know what deliriously happy looks like on my face.”

“Why shouldn’t I be deliriously happy? I love everything about this body. The smile, the laugh, the voice.”

John stole a quick kiss.

“That was weird.”

“Thanks.”

“No, I mean, kissing yourself. And, you know, not kissing you.”

***

In The Brigadier’s office Richard was sitting in the Brigadier’s body at the desk. He leaned back in the chair and swung his feet up onto the desk linking his fingers behind his head tipping his hat forward slightly.

“Is this what you officers do all day?”

“No, it’s not what we do all…” Mike’s voice trailed off. The Brigadier’s face was grinning at him. It was… unnerving.

“Doc was right, this is fun.”


	2. Pirates of Penzence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place in 1983 and Kate’s theatre company is Marie Clarke Musical Theatre Company witch one of my oldest friends is heavily involved with. I’m posting this today in honour of their season of Jekyll & Hyde witch is currently running. Their 1983 show was actually Pirates of Penzence it was the only one in the rough time period that I know well enough. There is more to this story but it isn’t finished. And yes, it’s substantially shorter than the last one but the rest of this scene doesn’t work in isolation and the story isn't finished yet.

The theatre was small, relatively new. Richard’s wife Kate happened to be in the ensemble for Pirates of Penzance with a community theatre company in Adelaide. It was a complete fluke that John and Mike were visiting while it was playing. Richard, John and Mike were talking at interval when Richard’s radio cracked to life with the two pips that signalled something urgent had come up at his base. He left to see what they wanted. Mike took John’s hand discretely.

“We should do this more often,” Mike said.

“We should, it’s fun. Kate’s quite good.”

“I’m stuck with this music now it’s in my head though.”

“That’s Gilbert and Sullivan for you.”


	3. Camelot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a crossover with a series of Arthurian short stories I'm working on.
> 
> Also everyone should go see the new King Arthur movie several times it's beautifully done and I really want them to make a sequel. My Arthurian series is very different but it's set in roughly the same time period.

Mike woke up and immediately knew it wasn’t John in the bed next to him. Unlike the last time this had happened he was not in his own bed. He was not even in his own time but he wasn’t awake enough to notice that yet. He looked at the sleeping man next to him. They were in a four poster bead with heavy curtains drawn and Mike could only barely see. The other man was vaguely familiar in the same way the Silurians were. He thought back to what The Doctor had said about race memory. But this man wasn’t a Silurian. He was, in appearance at least, human. He stirred and opened his eyes.

“You aren’t Arthur are you?” The other man said almost immediately.

“No, my name is Mike, Mike Yates. I don’t suppose you could tell me what’s going on?”

“I’m Merlin, Crown Prince of Camelot.”

“Crown Prince, does that make me King Arthur.”

“No, you’re still Mike Yates. But the body you’re in is King Arthur, yes.”

“Why am I here?”

“I brought you here, well a future me did.”

“But Why?”

“Because, for whatever reason Arthur and our First Knight are needed in your time.”

“So why am I here?”

“Because Arthur and Jayne needed bodies to go into in your time. I assume I chose this point in our time because it’s relatively uneventful. I’ve no idea why I chose you. You probably have business on the front line of whatever they’re needed for.”

Merlin tossed a pile of clothes in Mike’s direction.

“We’d best go and see who’s in Jayne’s body.” Merlin said Handing mike Arthur’s belt and sword witch he fastened around his waist.

***

John woke feeling strange. He looked down at himself noting, with less surprise than he would have expected, that he was a woman. He was more surprised by the fact that there was a, very female, redhead in the bed next to him. John got out of bed, careful not to wake his companion. She had felt him move however and roused a few moments later. She studied him for a moment.

“You aren’t Jayne are you?”

“No. John Benton.”

“A man? This is novel. Merlin told me this might happen one day but I didn’t expect to suddenly wake up with a man.”

“Well, I didn’t expect to suddenly wake up with a woman either miss if it’s any consolation. D’you happen to know what’s going on?”

“I’m not exactly sure. Merlin was a bit vague on the details. You’re in Camelot. I’m Elizabeth, the Court Physician and you’re Sir Jayne, First Knight of Camelot and my wife. Merlin will explain things properly but basically in the future Merlin swapped your consciousness with Jayne because she and Arthur are needed in your time for some reason.”

“Right then. What does The First Knight of Camelot wear exactly?”

Elizabeth handed him a shirt, trousers and jacket before going to change behind a screen.

“Your boots are at the end of the bed,” she added.

“Thanks.”

“You’re taking this remarkably well. Do you all switch bodies often in the future?”

“No. It has happened to me once before though. Woke up with a woman that time too. Mike, my partner, woke up in my body with our CO in his.”

“CO?”

“Commanding Officer. The Brigadier, He’s kind of like Jayne I suppose, if I’ve interpreted her job title right.”

“I see.”

There was a knock at the door then Merlin and Mike came in without bothering to wait for a reply.

“I’m Merlin, Crown Prince and Court Sorcerer of Camelot. What’s your name?”

“John Benton.”

“Oh thank God,” Mike said hugging John before anyone else could speak.

“Mike?”

“Yes.”

They considered each other. Jayne’s body had a bit of the Eastick to it, something in the eyes was distinctly Richard. Her hair was teetering on the point between red and brown. She was well built and had the distinct air of the soldier about her. She was very beautiful, in a rugged kind of way. Arthur was also well built and handsome. His hair was more light brown than blonde. He was probably John’s usual height and build.

“Well, we can’t very well put them in the training ground.” Elizabeth was saying.

“Well, what do you suggest we do?” Merlin said.

“What’s the problem?” Mike said.

“You were both supposed to be training with The Knights today,” Merlin supplied.

“If it helps, I’m not bad with a sword,” John said

“Nor am I,” Mike added.

“I mean no disrespect but Jayne is the finest swordsman in the five kingdoms and Arthur is nearly as good. They have trained almost every day since they were children. They have trained with the Knights for years, trained some of them since they were children. If either of you were to face any of them they’d know. It isn’t just the skill, it’s the style,” Elizabeth said.

“Fair point. What do you suggest?” Mike said.

“Well, for starters, and don’t take this the wrong way but you’re best friends, nothing more. It’s taken years for certain people to accept that so please don’t interact as anything other than that in public, and no sex please,” Merlin said.

“I think we can manage that.” Mike said, shooting John a look.

“I’m sorry, have I misread the situation? I thought you were married,” Merlin said.

“No, well yes, sort of. You haven’t misread. We are a couple except we aren’t actually married. Where we’re from two men can’t get married. One day perhaps but until less than ten years ago it was illegal for two men to be… intimate,” Mike replied.

“Getting them out of the city is probably the best option,” Elizabeth said.

“I agree. The less contact they have with the general population the safer we’ll be,” Merlin said.

“Send them out with Leon. He’ll know it isn’t them as soon as he sees them I’ll wager.”

“I agree. Something in the stance I think. There’s no point trying to hide it from him. You can both ride I assume?”

“Yes, well enough.” Mike replied.

John, having just thought of something, felt just above Arthur’s hairline finding the raised mark just where The Doctor had found them the last time they had found themselves in bodies that weren’t their own.

“So this spell or whatever it is, it lasts three days yes?” John said.

“Yes. Any longer than that and the connection can begin to deteriorate and quickly becomes unsafe,” Merlin confirmed.

“Unsafe?” Elizabeth prompted.

“Yes. Beyond four days can cause damage to the brain or even death depending on how long the connection is maintained.

***

No more than two hours later Mike and John had ridden out with Sir Leon. He was a nice man, reminded John of Mike, and not just in a physical sense.

Three days later they woke in their own bed and bodies. Arthur and Jayne obviously had no qualms sharing a bed because although John and Mike didn’t wake as entwined as they usually did (a situation they quickly remedied) they did wake next to each other.


	4. Unrequited Love (AU)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I say AU, it fits more accurately in actual canon. Margery Phipps was a woman John met in the audio Council of War. He meets her while under cover after The Green Death in Mike’s place while he’s on leave. In UNIT: Assembled they are married although she doesn’t actually make an appearance.

Mike Yates really wished he didn’t like Margery Phipps, it would make his life a good deal easier. Trouble was, he did like her. Her only real fault, despite being a politician, was that she was in love with John Benton and he, of all people, could not fault her for that. No, Mike liked her almost as much as John did. It made her very hard to resent. Mike had always known he didn’t have a chance with John. Beautiful, perfect John. Even if John was like him Mike doubted John would so much as look at him twice. Mike hadn’t thought it would hurt so much when he inevitably did settle down though.  His greatest regret was that it hadn’t been him to go to Kettering and on the subsequent adventure with Margery. Instead, he’d been on leave. Try as he might he couldn’t bring himself to regret anything that followed more, and he did regret the whole palaver surrounding his involvement with Project Golden Age greatly. But no, he regrated Benton going in his place to Kettering and meeting his future wife. But she loved John and John loved her and that in itself was enough to keep her in Mike’s good graces. Mike actually got on with Margery very well.

It was John’s bachelor party John, Mike and a few of the UNIT lads had gone to a pub. It wasn’t their local, a bit further afield. The lads had moved on not long ago leaving Mike and John alone at a table in the back.

“They still haven’t forgiven me, have they?” Mike said.

“They don’t know the whole story Mike. If they did, they’d probably understand.”

“I can’t tell them John, I just can’t. It was hard enough telling you and The Brig.”

“I’m not pressuring you Mike but they would understand why you did what you did if they knew what it was they promised you.”

“You’re right of course. I just can’t.”

“I know.”

John had always known about him, long before Golden Age he’d known. He’d probably known Mike was in love with him too, though Mike had never told a soul. It had been John who had convinced him to tell The Brig after Golden Age, he’d been standing right beside him. He’d been right, The Brig had understood and somehow, Mike would never understand how, managed to keep him in UNIT.

“I hope you don’t mind that The Brig didn’t come. I did ask him but he thought he might ruin the mood.”

“What exactly was he expecting?”

“I don’t know. He is aware though that some of the chaps aren’t particularly comfortable around him socially.”

***

At the reception the next day Mike stood up from his seat next to John. Mike didn’t like speeches but he was John’s best man. The room fell silent.

“John and I have known each other for years, I think we met in what? 70, 71? And in that time we’ve been through death and life together. I was as shocked as everyone else when he asked me to be his best man. I take full credit for this union by the way, just so you know.” John, Margery and the UNIT table at large laughed. “They met when John was on assignment in my place, so you’re welcome John. I’m going to be brief, if for no other reason than that most of my anecdotes are work related. I’d be here all day if I tried to explain the time we borrowed a work helicopter, that was a great day. In our defence it was for work and we couldn’t track down The Brig. Or the time we were working security for this diplomat and I stole his food and sent him outside on patrol. I promise I’m not a terrible person. We had a great time reminiscing at the bachelor party the other night. I was racking my brain weeks ago trying to think of a story I could tell today and I was, quite honestly scraping the bottom of the barrel because all our best stories are work related. It was just after I’d been transferred and so he decided to take me out on the town.”

“Oh, no,” John said.

“Oh, yes.”

“Please don’t.”

“Alright. After, and perhaps because of, the event witch I now won’t mention we became fast friends. I’ll never forget the day John came home from Kettering. I was on medical leave and he came to see me. Told me about this great girl he’d met. I could tell he was totally besotted, even then. When I eventually met Margery a few months later I could see why. Margery, you’re getting a man whose only flaw is hid devotion to his work and the people he works with. For what it’s worth I’ll do my best to always bring him home. John, you’re getting an amazing woman who loves you, but you know that. So, a toast: To the bride and groom, Ad finem esto fidelis*.”

“To the bride and groom,” the rest of the room echoed, raising their glasses.

“Thanks Mike,” John said, clapping a hand on his shoulder, when Mike took his seat again.

An hour or so later Mike had found his way to the UNIT table with The Doctor and The Brigadier. Most of the other lads had dispersed and were mingling.

“You couldn’t think of any stories that weren’t UNIT related could you?” The Brig asked him.

“Nope. John did take me out on the town when I first arrived at HQ but three rounds in was the start of the whole business with the rogue Granske.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Latin: Be faithful to the end.


End file.
